Questions

    More and more people are finding out about what has happened, which considering I have blogged about it, is to be expected. I didn't really think anyone I knew would read this blog that I have, but I guess since more and more people are blogging about things now a days, it was bound to happen. Today was hard though. One of my closest friends asked me why I had stopped drinking. I mean -can't even finish one beer- stopped drinking. I didn't want to lie so I just told him I had a bad night last time I drank so I have not drank since. But seeing as he is one of my closest friends he of course asked what happened. So I just lightly changed the subject leaving him with "it just wasn't a good night". Obviously I wanted to tell him but seeing as he was just about to go to work, I didn't think it was an appropriate time to be telling someone bad news. Then he would have just been sitting at work thinking about it. Not a healthy thing. And I mean it happened and I am still here and still alive and healthy minus some random breaks downs every once and a while. Which for those of you wondering has gotten less. It use to be every other day. Now it's once a week. Sometimes I wish no one knew but then if nobody knew I would just have this bottled up inside me. So it is always better to tell someone.

    For me the hardest person to tell was my sister. X was one of her ex boyfriends that we had known for a long time. Over 10 years. Wow 10 years. It's creepy. We always knew he wasn't a good guy though so I guess that's why I wasn't that surprised. I mean I was definitely surprised he had committed this act, but then when I thought of how he was, always dating younger girls and all, it's like I should have known he would of tried something like that. He's is about 26 years old I believe and he dates and sleeps with girls younger then I. like 3 years younger. It's disgusting. That's another reason why I am bothered so much by this. Because I know that if I had the courage to go straight to the hospital or police he would be in jail. He has so many offenses that this would have been the cherry to the cake that would have put him where he belongs. In jail.

   I read up on the trauma people go through because of this and apparently I was in "shock" for a week which is why I had cleaned everything. It's where your mind tells you to do what ever will keep you from dealing with it. Basically my mind was protecting me from dealing with the issue because it could tell my body couldn't handle it. So it's common. All in all today was okay though and maybe eventually I won't have to tell anyone maybe eventually it will be as though nothing happened at all. Until then though I am just going to get through this with one day at a time.