First Blog : "The" night..

Hi everyone, 

     let me start by saying that what you are about to read is not for anyone wishing to read something happy or sugar coated. so if you just came home form a long day of work and want to relax it would be best if youu went on to read a different blog.

I guess for all to understand I have to tell you what has happened. **Names have been changed**

It started off a regular night for me, my boyfriend and I had plans to meet up and hang out at my house. 20 minutes before he arrives an old friend of mine calls me and tells me that he's drunk and standing outside my house, so of course I go out to see if he is doing okay. And of course he can barely stand, I wasn't sure how he even got to my house to begin with. I tell him I will walk him home I just have to go get my shoes and left him waiting on the porch (people in my house were already asleep). When I came to the door again my boyfriend is standing there and my friend is 5 houses down. I explain to him that I have to walk my friend home and that I'm sorry he had came all this way. Being the gentlemen that he is, he offers to give my friend a lift home but I decline because I was afraid my friend would throw up in his car. This decision I will forever regret. He leaves and I go running down the street to find where my friend is. I keep running and I can't see him anywhere. Maybe he's fallen down somewhere or maybe he's taking a different route? So I call him as I am standing minutes from his house. Three calls to find out he's at home and has no idea how he got there. Later he will tell me he did just walk but it was all a blur, I guess the conversation with my boyfriend was longer then I had thought. My friend asks if I can come over and hang out with him. He shared his house with another guy named X. I tell him I can't come over because I don't think it would be smart for me to be where X is. But my friend insists and since I'm so close already I get X number from my friend and call to see if he is alright with me coming over. X is drunk too and says that a bunch of people are going to his house so he doesn't mind one more person. So I walk the rest of the way to the house. When i get there both the door to their house and the door to my friends room is open. I go in and he's passed out. So I nudge him so he knows I am there. I just lay beside him and start to go to sleep. 

   It must have been about 10 minutes later that X and his friends (some of them I knew) came into the house being very obnoxious and woke me up. So I go and say hi to him since it is his house too. He offered me some drinks and I accepted. We also smoked. I got really drunk and high. Eventually it was just X this younger girl he was "seeing" and his cousin and I. I went to school with his cousin and he was always a perv. His cousin was trying stuff and of course I pushed away. X came out from his bedroom with the girl and got his cousin to leave. I told him I am just going to sleep it off. I went into my friends room woke him and told him what happened so he got up and locked his door. We both fell asleep on separate sides of the bed.

  At 6am my friend wakes up because he had to go to his sisters. He told me I could stay and sleep so since I was still very intoxicated I went back to sleep and he left locking the door behind him ( this I had found out later). I wake a while later maybe and X is coming into the room asking if I am sleeping. Basically waking me and being a dick. I told him he just woke me and so he lies beside me on the bed and I shift over so we're not touching. He starts a conversation about my sister that I am vaguely listening to as I start to fall back asleep. I wake again probably minutes later and we are beside each other. Somehow my arm is on his chest and we are cuddling. I move away from him and he says something about a massage. I told him I'm okay. He asks again so I told him "just go to sleep". I pass out again. This time when I woke I was shocked to find that my clothes were off and he was saying something, I am not really sure what. It must have been around 7am because it was light out. I grabbed my clothes and put them on without a panic. I went for the door and he followed me. As I walked out his house he told me to take his bike because it was faster. He then asked if i would come back Sunday and made me promise I would. It was the only promise I had broken in three years. When I got home I did all my laundry cleaned my room top to bottom even the windows. Then I took a two hours long shower scrubbing everything using the whole bottle of soap I had. I then got dressed and went to work. 

   It wasn't until about two weeks later that it hit me what had happened and it wasn't until a week after that, that I got tested. I was lucky, a clean bill of health and not pregnant. 

  Despite what some my believe, this was a rape case. I never reported it. But I did tell a few people some people hate me for not reporting it and think I am cowardly while others believe I did what I thought was right at the time. And a lot of you may be wondering why I am posting this for the world to see but I wont report it. Plain and simple, though these cases are never taken lightly I have no proof of what happened because I cleaned the only evidence I had. So that means it would be three years or more of me sitting in trial after trial with my word against his. I know I am not strong enough to do so and I also know it would in my case, be a waste of time. 

   For anyone reading this that has or knows someone that has gone through this unfortunately you are not alone. I am going to counseling for this and I am writing everyday about it but I was told blogging may help because I would be able to get others opinions.